coffeejunkie | 02nd beat; written

House 40 Rules
Version 2
[Some of you might remember a certain set of house rules going up prior to Yuri's disappearance. Otonashi isn't exactly second-in-command, but Hinata is emotionally out of commission, Naoi had already taken the burden of announcing her departure, and Noda is MIA.

Oh, and Yotsuba is too young to be making rules.. even though the potential for comedy is there.]

1. No loud music, shouting, or being loud after 11pm. There’s a little girl trying to sleep! It doesn’t matter if you stay up late, but keep the noise down.

2. Keep your eroge and other 18+ fare safely put away! If it’s left out in the living room, I’ll confiscate it. Yotsuba shouldn’t have to see that and neither should any visitors!

3. Everyone follows the rules. Even you, Noda..!

4. Please?

5. Try to keep your rooms clean.

6. Clean up after yourself in the kitchen.

7. Don’t leave your underwear in the bathroom… Keep that clean too.

8. The house is everyone’s responsibility, not just one person’s! Especially not just mine.

9. DON’T KILL EACH OTHER. I don’t care that it “didn’t matter” in the afterlife, it always matters!

10. Don’t make medieval traps! This includes BUT ISN'T LIMITED TO hammer traps, falling ceilings, collapsing floors, and spike pits! If you saw it in a JRPG dungeon, you can't make it in the house! (We can play an RPG instead.)

11. Don’t train in the living room! Keep it to your own room if you insist on doing it in the house…

12. Yotsuba: Make sure you go to school and do well. If you do, I’ll make sure to pick you up a gift at the end of each week. Oh, and find an adult that isn’t Noda if someone is bothering you!

13. Continue respecting Hayate.

14. If you want to set up an in-house visit, mark it either on the white board that Yuri set up or somewhere we can see it. It's better to let everyone know.

15. Don’t measure yourselves in the living room… Why is this even a problem..?! I won’t tell you that you can’t do it privately, because I know that’ll make you just want to do it more.
Noda, this means you… I've heard about your "competitions" and I'm telling now, I don't care..!

16. House meetings are still held on Sunday.

17. RESPECT EVERYONE'S PRIVACY. Knock before entering rooms unless it is an emergency! If I see you barging in, I'll... yell at you!

18. No throwing furniture, halberds, weapons, people, or… goldfish…

19. Why is there a goldfish named after me again..?

20. Okay! Please follow the rules. They aren’t even that hard to follow, you guys…

21. Don't discount me because I'm not Yuri! I don't think I should have to put on a bow and thigh-highs to enforce a rule around here...

-- voice;

[Well, there is a distinct lack of Yuri-specific rules. Like it or not, Yuri Nakamura is no longer in Luceti. He's in no rush to replace her, but the acceptance and healing process has to start somewhere. So, he might as well be the one to take initiative.]

I think that should do for now, unless I missed something... Any, uh... suggestions? [No punishment games though! Otonashi isn't much of a disciplinarian.]

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[ ... ]

Wait, who sets traps for their friends to actually kill them?

... Uhm, already dead people. [Hmm, better clarify that.] D-dead people who decide that death doesn't matter anymore.

[ Wait, what. ]

What do you mean, dead people? You sure don't look dead to me.

[That's about what he expected.]

No, but... none of us do! I-I know it sounds unbelievable, like I must be insane, but... We didn't look dead where we came from either. That would be... worrying. [Considering how gruesome death can be? Ick.]

[ So is he saying... ]

Everyone is dead in your world, or what? [ That just. Doesn't make any sense. ]

Y... Yeah. Dead, or... non-sentient, I guess. [That sounds harsh, but he can't think of any other way to phrase it.] Those were called "Non-Player Characters."

[ ...Other worlds are weird. BUT. She's curious enough to keep asking questions. Or prying. Whatever the case may be. ]

What do you mean by that? Non-Player Characters.

[Other worlds are weird. Worlds are weird. PEOPLE are weird. We always end up back here... But he's happy to try to clear it up!]

Ah, have you ever played an RPG? That's where the term comes from. [How to explain this... The afterlife had an interesting way of naming its denizens.] W-well, uh... you and I are regular people in control of our actions, right? More or less, I hope...

[ Nope, she definitely has no idea what an RPG is, either. ]

What about it?

In an RPG... you would say that makes us "player characters." Because we control ourselves. So... the abbreviation for that is PC, for player character. [Before Luceti, people just knew these terms. It's strange to think about a world that doesn't.]

So an NPC is a Non-Player Character. They're... uh... written to act a certain way. Like a, umm... a code of conduct!

So they don't have a spirit, is what you're saying. They're not in charge of their own destinies.

[ She's trying to put this into her world's terms. ]

[That's not bad at all. Definitely noted for when he inevitably has to try and explain this again.]

Y-yeah, that's a good way to say it..! They act like regular people, but they don't have a spirit. They live out their roles, reacting to us—the ones with spirits—but otherwise never... changing, I guess. [It sounds pretty horrible when it's explained...]

Yikes. [ Yeah, it sure does. ] But, wait - I still don't get it. Are you dead, or what?

[ Tactful as always. ]

I... guess I'm not dead here in Luceti. I can get sick here, and we can't just die and come back easily... [Dying and killing is almost a casual pastime in the afterlife.]

So... yes I was, and no I'm not anymore?

[ Wow, that is...

Extremely confusing. ]

...But are you against harmless traps?

[ This is an important question. ]

[It is indeed. And it's clear to him just how important when she comes back to it.]

If it doesn't cut me in half or crush my spine, then... Y-yeah, that's probably okay. Just curious, um... what do you consider a harmless trap? [Your mileage may vary on the word "harmless," in his experience.]

Oh, you know...putting spices in someone's food, drawing a mustache on someone while they sleep, burying someone in the sand - things like that.

Regular spices? Nothing... that someone couldn't live down, right? [No poison, nothing that would require a hospital visit? That sounds okay.] Ahah... I could probably get behind drawing a mustache on someone...

Huh. Maybe you're not as dry and humorless as I thought, then.

If it's not going to kill or destroy someone's bodily functions... It's just for fun, right? I could... mix up someone's drink—like dump out a soda and fill it with water!— or short sheet someone, haha! [Oh yeah, Otonashi sure is a "rebel." Lookout everyone.]

[ Yeah, he’s a real delinquent. ]

I hear if you put someone’s hand in cup of water while they sleep, they’ll wet the bed.

[Yep, better hide the kids.]

That's... true, usually. It also works with audio—the sound of waterfalls or water flow.

See? We’ll make a proper prankster out of you yet. Switch the place of salt and sugar - that’s a good one, too.

Ahh, I don't know about a proper prankster... It's been a long time since I've tried anything like that. [At least, something that's not part of a planned operation.]

Well then, this is the best time to jumpstart your career, don't you think?

02nd beat; written > voice

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